Trying to catch a breath.

I can no longer have a social life. Something is weird. Maybe I'm depressed. I constantly think about how things are going for me and compare them to all of my friends. If I'm not already drowning out the silence with music then the room across the hall has that covered; with screaming giggling girls and guys that would give anything have them alone while they giggle. I can't take it anymore.

I'm a loner.

If I drew my hood now and left for the night, would anyone know? Doubtful. Therefore, I'll go where no one has to care for me. Where no one has to think about me. I will be a Marine.

The few.
The proud.
Me.

"Starting over somewhere new"
"Starting new somewhere else"

What are those, you may ask? Recent google searches I have done.

I owe money in places that I don't even know. I just want to leave. California couldn't seem any sunnier and more Josh-wanting now than ever. I don't have much to say about it.

It's just what has been on my mind constantly over break. I want to make new connections. I want to meet new people. I want new. Period. Literally, a period.

Pacific Ocean, see you soon.

Love/want,

Josh

Dead for Days (Calling all friends)

My life is corrupt. Filled with things that don't need to be here. If I saw myself as I am now from years ago, I would be dissappointed. An alcohol-drinking, weed/hookah-smoking, girl-hating asshole.

As any other thing that I do, I'm simply over-thought. I'm tired of thinking. As I stated before, timing's everything. And now, as another one of those nights that the room is my own and I'm alone, acoustic songs with cleverly written lyrics, a deep, yet simple melody is played and cherry topped with a voice that I could only wish for. With the music, my mind flows with endless possibilities.

Now, I know you're not supposed to dwell on the past, but I enjoy who I once was. A kid that had friends that didn't rely on alcohol or drugs to get by a boring night. Boring nights were the shit. One friend that I could trust anything and everything with. That I can still trust to this day even though we never talk. I seem to have traded a best friend for people that I "bond" with.

This is random as shit. But I've got tears, so I can say whatever the fuck I want in whatever order I want. Fuck you, I'm not a part of your system. I can sit in this room for hours. Days. Sure, people will come in an out as I leave the door unlocked as to welcome anyone a chance to get to know me. Shit, to say hi. But the usual happening goes like this. A knock. An opening.

"What's up?"
"Have you seen Trent?"
"No."
"Okay."
End scene.

I'll just turn back around to this computer screen where F5 still doesn't change anything. It doesn't refresh me or my life. Does anyone care? I mean really. I've just decided to go on a personal hiatus. If that even makes sense. I'll see if anyone notices.